I started having interest in boys and they took a quick interest in me. My first physical experience with the opposite sex occurred around this time. I attended a sleepover at the neighbor girl's house where we camped out in tents in her backyard. Midway through the night I was chilly and hungry, so I crept into the house to get something to eat and warm up on the couch. As I was dozing off her brother Ryan, three years my senior came over to see if I was awake. He quickly pushed into kissing me on the couch and then led me to their garage. He sat me down in front of the water heater and we started to kiss passionately, or at least as passionately as teenagers can. He removed my shirt and began kissing and fondling my breasts. I felt like I was in love. The next day and every day after that, he barely acknowledged me.
Shortly after my experience with Ryan, I met my first "boyfriend", Brian. He was a young stoner punk I went to junior high with. We started smoking weed together and that quickly led to marathon makeout sessions. I began to spend a lot of time at his house with my friend Emilia. It was a great place to hang out, as there was little adult supervision. About three months into our relationship, we were alone at his house and our makeout session got a little more heated. I lost my virginity that day.
In the weeks after we had sex, Brian began to become a bit of a bully towards me, calling me stupid and uncool. I found this hurtful but it wasn't that I hadn't heard before so it rolled off my back. I continued to run around with our group of friends, which expanded to include Cameron and Job, a couple of boys that lived in a nearby neighborhood but went to a different school. Both Cameron and Job lived in rough households, albeit households that were typical to Alaska-alcohol, minimal to no adult supervision and teenage drama. I spent a lot of time smoking weed, drinking alcohol, taking mushrooms and moving into the lifelong love affair I would have with music.
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